I am scared.
I am scared
that I am living in a world
that is always going to
hurt me. A world
where I‘ll be pushed and kicked
and beaten
until there is nothing left of me
but a pile of ashes.
I am scared
of a long path of suffering
getting narrower and narrower
until it fades out into nothing
and I am scared
that this path could get too
tight at some point and I‘d fall out,
jump out and face
nothing pre-maturely.
I am scared of this being my life
and I am scared that my only alternative is
(or at least might seem like it)
to not live at all.
I am scared
to endure all of this
and I am scared
that I could not endure it,
of walking the path
or leaving it
or just not finding
the goddamn middle way
that could keep me alive,
where I could breathe
without something tightening up
my chest every other moment,
I am scared
that this is my life
and my only way out seems to be anger,
to be angry at this life
that I just can‘t seem to be able to leave
without leaving it completely
but the anger
is only a reflection after all
of the same life
where I also can‘t be okay
because everything sucks.
I am scared that this life is always going to suck.
I am angry because this life is always going to suck.
I am scared of being alone with this and I am scared of not being alone at all.
I am angry and I am scared.
No punchline.
