Excursion To Poetry #1 - Jan. 2015

I think I love you.
You dance through the world on your tiptoes,
fleet-fooded, lighthearted, free,
like a dandelion seed.
I admire the child-like lightness you live your life with,
admire how underneath the facade of a young man,
a grown man,
there's always the little boy glacing from behind the curtain,
mischievously grinning,
winking,
laughing out loud
before running back into the forrest
to climb trees
build forts
play cops and robbers.
It seems like I could never stop
to count the invisible freckles in your face
the tiny metaphors of your boyishness
that aren't really there.

I think I love you.
Your words sound like those of an old man
wise
well-read
versed
but mentally and physically
alert and
firing on all cylinders.
When you tell of your wars
your revolutions
your politics
as if you lived through all of it
I'd love to sit in your lap
and listen
with wide eyes
fascinated by your stories
as if I'd never heard them before.
I didn't.
Not with that buzz, that passion
that you tell them with.
You fascinate me with your multifacetedness
and with your thousand faces.
Young and old and timeless.
Happy and sad all at once.
Weak and strong.

 I don't understand you
and reading you, like others can,
is impossible to me.
I think I love you.
Life feels so easy with you.
With you, life feels
like an endless summer
like making a night of it
like rainy sundays spent half-naked with a cup of tea in bed
like pizza with infinite cheese
like Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners
like dancing in the summer rain
like a glass of red wine while taking a bath
like endless holidays, forever
like a perfectly sweetened cup of hot chocolate
like Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Swede
and like Come And Get Your Love by Redbone.

I think I love you.
It's a strange kind of love.
I don't know if I want to be with you
and I know even less how you feel about it.
I only know that I want to have you here with me
my head on your lap
your hand playing with my hair
and your lips on mine
from time to time.

If you don't want me
it's not going to fret me
and it wouldn't change my feelings for you
because my love for you is independent
of your reciprocation
and from my validation.
I only want you to know
how special you are to me.
I want you to know
that you are loved.
I want you to know
that you are marvelous.
Yes.
I think I love you. 

So it's been quiet.

People who remember my awkward trys as a YouTube person will also remember how this is a sentence I say a lot, (I should definitely stop to remind people that I tried to be a YouTube Person) as will people who follow my art page on Facebook. Me not having any continuity with my social media content output is a classic, really. That is mostly due to me having creative output in general in phases, no matter what it is what I do, drawing, writing, (ugh) making awkward videos etc., it doesn't matter. The other reason for this is me getting too caught up in life, I still do have a fulltime job, so far still with school going on next to that and, of course, a social life to keep up with. While other content creators seem to juggle all this very vell and still create every week or even daily, I am horrioble at even attempting this. However, I decided I will not apologize for silence anymore.

Here's the thing: Given that I am creative in phases, I have the choice between posting content I stand behind very irregularly, or posting stuff I am not entirely happy with regularly. We all know which of those is the more favourable choice for me and for the people who are interested in my content.

In detail, this time, I simply didn't have much to write about. Sure, there is a lot going on in my life right now, but nothing that would justify a single, long blog post. And even if there was, there are specific reasons I don't do it.
For example, a few weeks ago I had the court appointment following that thing I posted about in December (TW sexual abuse). To state the short version: It was horrible, I am not okay after this, but I know that I will be. Also, the sentence is 5,5 years. Yes, there is a lot more to talk about in detail, but I prefer to do so privately, since I don't want my blog to be about that every other month. I don't want my life to be about this every other month. I don't want to make that my topic and I am afraid if I posted more than this one post, it might stain this blog and me to be honest.
Then there's, well, life. I'll have my written final exam in May, my oral exam in June, so I have to study now, and more importantly, I have to find a new job because right the second they'll tell me that I've passed my oral exam and I am a fully-trained bookseller now - I am unemployed. Since I am planning to go back to my hometown, I not only have to find a new job but also have to cancel all sorts of contracts here, organize everything, so it's a lot to do, but not a lot to actually write about.
After telling those two things, it will be no surprise to anyone to hear that I did not read too much lately, didn't go to the movies often or enjoyed anything that I could review on here. I do read, I do watch movies etc., but not really for review - just for me. Yes, there is a huge difference between consuming media for your own enjoyment or doing it for review purposes.

So far, so well. However, at this point I want to share two YouTube videos with you, dear reader, that found the way into my heart this week.

First of all, there's "Foundation" by my all-time-favourite muse Liam Dryden. Liam has been very quiet as well on YouTube for a while now - and then he uploaded this. I don't feel like it is my place to talk about the adressed event because it has nothing to do with me (as in, I am not directly effected in any way nor involved) and Liam did "offer" an explanaitory video on his Twitter so let's wait for that instead because all I know is more or less rumors, I don't know which of those are true and which ones aren't and thus will keep my mouth shut. However, regardless of wether you know what this is about, it is a beautifully worded poem about a feeling I think a lot of us can relate to. I am very glad Liam made this honest thing.

The other one is "Comfort food", a short film by Sam Saffold, which might be one of the most beautiful pieces of art that anyone ever made about love just being love with all its ups and downs. Also, it's got food and books, so of course I'm hooked!

Definitely check out those videos while I'll hit the books again - and hopefully don't write my next review about my textbook.