Stay healthy

So this is life now.

All the fires that have been burning inside me just weeks ago, no, days only, have gone out. Silence around me and inside me. More calmness than I had in years. Peace, not to be confused with happiness. It's remarkable how quick and easy it was to accept this new normalcy.

We write history, stay home, it was never that easy to (hopefully) save the world. Okay, maybe we leave some behind, maybe once again we can see the arbitrariness that was given to the executive just like that, too easy to say now that they know what they‘re doing, oh they know what they‘re doing, alright, the signature on the free ticket hasn‘t even dried yet. A bit of control over the situation for the small price of a few lives, a few homeless here, a few refugees there, what's the world cost, I'll take two.

Only a few lives for the safety of the rest, the dregs are rejects, and just above that float the really important ones – applause! Standing ovations for the relevant! Appreciation for your daily bread, which you might not actually be able to buy because the shelves are empty when you, oh relevant one, finally get to do your shopping too, but that's no problem because you sure have our APPRECIATION, be proud of yourself! Because we‘ll only be in writing, we admire you, enduring the stress and let yourself be treated like shit by those who you are keeping alive, keeping everything running, it is so easy to forget who treats you like shit as long as we just clap loud enough. Maybe play the ode to joy in the evenings. Ignoring that your job has been hard for ages, not rarely unbearable. NOW you are important, congratulations, here is your participation trophy, and then we can hopefully forget soon why you were important and be important again ourselves.

The realization that we are not actually important when things get rough tastes bittersweet. Never has our work seemed less meaningful, never has it felt so empty to just keep going on but at least it gives us a bit of purpose, a bit of security while the world around us breaks apart. We don‘t have anything else, after all, we can‘t drown our depressions in booze and meaningless sex, not even a hug between friends to let us forget our pain for a moment. When things get rough it‘s clear who stays alone with their thoughts. How many will the virus kill, how many the economy, how many the solitude? What will we tell our grandchildren if we survived all of this? What will we say in a couple of decades?

So this is life now. We write this story. Let‘s hope that it's going to be a good one. One that we can tell without being ashamed. Be kind to each other. We have nothing else left.

Stay healthy.

Re: Chemnitz

August 25th/26th 2018, Chemnitz, Saxony, Germany: Daniel Hillig, a German man of Cuban heritage, antifascist, is stabbed to death - allegedly by two refugees. The next day, hordes of Nazis hunt people of colour in the city.

August 27th: The Nazis organize what they call a "funeral march" - several thousands of Nazis attacking people of colour again, giving Hitler salutes and showing their naked asses. So much for mourning. For the first time (that I am aware of) there are more people demonstrating on the right-wing side than in the counter-demonstration. While the Hitler salute is illegal in Germany, the cops do nothing against them. While there are bottles and other stuff being thrown by the Nazis, cops are pointing their water guns at the antifascists. While the Nazis do all the things that lead to left-wing people being violently punished by cops at other demonstrations (e.g. the G20 protests in Hamburg), cops turn a blind eye today. There are thousands of counter-demonstrators, even more Nazis present, and only a few hundred cops. The proportions are worse than for every football game. Some might conclude from this that it's not wanted to hold Nazis back.

There are demonstrations like this almost every day now. In Chemnitz, but also in Dresden. The Nazis are violent, harassing and physically attacking people of colour, journalists, and antifascists. Most media outlets still hold back from calling them Nazis or right-wing extremists and still call them "worried" or "mourning". However, everyone who is against Nazis is called left-wing. In my opinion, left wing wouldn't even be a bad thing, but it simply isn't true.

It'd be easy to say that all of this popped up surprisingly. It didn't. When in 2015 the first massive bunch of refugees came to Germany, racist voices started to become louder. The Alternative für Deutschland (alternative for Germany), a racist party, was formed and got more and more successful. Bit by bit it got more accepted to say racist things out loud, after all, those people were "just worried", bit by bit it got more en vogue for people not being openly racist to be aggressively centrist, claiming that Nazis and antifascists were equally bad. People are still claiming that.

One thing that helped Nazis to get this loud again was the discourse being shifted more and more to cater to them. The CDU/CSU (Christian/conservative party), one of the major parties in Germany, increasingly discusses more racist views, even the social democrats are in the center at best nowadays. Increasingly more threatening statements got excused and played down again and again. Nazis are given a huge platform in talk shows and similar outlets. The general idea seems to be to listen to Nazis and their so-called "worries" to solve the problems they see so they can't use them for their hate and violence. It's a noble and well-meant approach - it just doesn't work.

The other huge factor in the uprising of the Nazis is the silent majority that doesn't say anything when facing racist worldviews - and equates Nazis and anti-fascists who don't stay silent. It all seems incredibly bizarre. People have been comfortably waiting for it to get so bad that even us white people who are not targeted by racism can't turn a blind eye to it anymore. And some are still trying to.

Another factor that played into the Nazis hands perfectly was the exaggeration of the so-called refugee crisis. This term has been incredibly present in the media for the past three years, and in my opinion, it was made much more of a big deal than it ever actually was. Yes, it started out pretty chaotic - after all, there were thousands of new people suddenly in Germany that no one really knew how to deal with first. It was a new extreme situation. But you know what? I think it was handled pretty well - no one who was in Germany before had a worse life or huge problems because of it. Now some might say that there has been a lot of crimes happening from the hands of refugees. And that is true. However, there have been a lot of crimes happening from the hands of people born and raised here as well. It is a fact that there are no more refugee offenders than non-refugee offenders. It is logical that when there are more people, there's more crime. The proportion stays the same though. It is also logical that in the age of the internet, people are painfully more aware of crimes happening around them than before the internet was such a wide-spread thing. That plus the prioritization of refugee offenders over non-refugee offenders in the media leads to a bizarre distortion of the public perspective that is not very close to the truth. The thing is that no one is saying that individual refugees can't be shitty people and are generally perfect human beings. Refugees are just as little of a homogenous group as German citizens are, neither in being perfect nor in being all bad. If only Saxons would put as much energy in making that clear as they put into defending themselves of being generalized as Nazis because they are so common here... However, no one ever gets tired of assuming that this is what antifascists think.

All of this is happening an one hour drive away from where I live.
Saxony's prime minister Michael Kretschmer refuses to see an actual Nazi problem but worries more about the image of Saxony. Dear Michael Kretschmer, dear everyone who worries about all people in Saxony being seen as Nazis now: We have a bigger problem than our image right now. I will stand for having to explain that I am antifascist every time I mention that I am from Saxony if it means that our very real and very bad Nazi problem gets taken seriously.

I was at none of the demonstrations. Mostly because those were always during my working hours this week. But to be brutally honest: I don't know if I had gone if I had been available. Because I am scared. I am very very scared of Nazis, especially with my constantly decreasing trust in public authorities to manage situations like this. And even with me not going to the demonstrations, I am also scared of going home alone at night right now (which I have to when working the late shift), mostly because it's important to me right now to be visibly antifascist, so I wear my jackets with antifascist patches, but that might make me a target. I can only imagine how people of colour feel right now. I can leave that patches at home. They can't.

It's all a big mess. We got a big mess happening over here. I'd love to say that I had done everything in my power to stop that from happening, but I haven't. I am personally co-responsible to all of this happening right now. All of us could have done more. I have been silent too. Not every time, but too many times when facing racism, I have been silent. Even though a lot of people around me have constantly been annoyed by me talking a lot about racism and Nazis being a problem, even though people have called me to radical and too extreme in my attempt on anti-fascism, I have not been annoying enough, not been loud enough. I realized that when I mentioned to a colleague this week that I was worried about friends who may have gone to Chemnitz to demonstrate and who I haven't heard of again yet and she had to ask me what side my friends were on. I thought it was obvious. It wasn't.

So this is ground zero for me and everyone to do now, the very least: Making clear what side you are on. Not only not agreeing but visibly and audibly dis-agreeing with Nazis. Even if all you reply to racist remarks is "I disagree", it is something. Don't let them believe that you agree just because you didn't say otherwise. Yes, that includes friends and family and it hurts. But it has to be done.
Another thing all of us can do is to look out for each other. If you can't go to demonstrations yourself for whatever reason, at least listen out for your friends who are going, make sure they got home safely again, take care of their mental well-being afterward. Also, reach out for your friends of colour twice as much. If you can, offer people who otherwise can't go to demonstrations but would to look after their children or pets. If you can, offer your friends to help them to pay for train tickets to Chemnitz. Support people who demonstrate against Nazis.

Thirdly, criticise the media and the police when necessary. Don't stay silent on unhelpful phrasing in the news or cops turning a blind eye to Nazis. Hold them accountable for their part in this.
And last but not least, as usual, go and vote in each and every election you come across. Because if Nazis win elections, shit will hit the fan. Seriously. We can not let this happen.
To all readers from outside of Germany: Please look out for us as well. Reach out for your friends living here. Spread the word about what's happening right now. Especially since our oh so precious image might take a hit or two - don't shut up. Please make our officials aware that you are seeing what's happening here and that you don't approve of it - so that they finally start acting.

Question your authorities

Let me start with explaining the viewpoint I am writing this from to you. I am privileged. I am white, I am European, I am able-bodied, and I am female (which does comes in handy when you are in a case other than sexualized violence against you). Also, I have never comitted a crime. Still, I have a personal problem with the police. I reported crimes three times in my life, and every time I felt belittled and not taken seriously. Now I can deal with that in the case where someone took the money I forgot in the ATM (which is, in my opinion, not even necessarily a crime, just not the nicest thing to do especially when the one who actually owns it is poor). I can not deal with that in the case where a random guy punched me in the face in the middle of the street because I was just walking past. No, officer, you can't see anything, but you couldn't see internal bleeding either and that would still be really bad, right? So I have been the victim, the reporting person most of the time when I dealt with police and was truly disappointed. Then there was that one time last year when I went to a protest. Going to a protest is something that takes a lot of willpower for me. I am hella scared of protests because I have been knowing people all my life who went and came back with injuries. We are talking anti-nazi protests - some where caused by the nazis, some where caused by the left who though it was really clever to throw stuff from a distance where they would only hit their own people, and some injuries were from the cops. I guess we all remember the protests against the G20 summit in Hamburg in Summer 2017 where shit went loose. Cars burning, people throwing bottles, none of this is okay. However, what is even less okay is police violently attacking peaceful protesters. You know, the ones who didn't throw bottles or set cars on fire. The majority. That shit happened, and while people who threw bottles and hurt no one with them get 3 years in jail, there are apparently no consequences for the cops. That is the main reason I have to gather all my strenght, hype myself up with angry music and gather a group of friends around me to even go to protests. Now when I went to the protest, I went peacefully. I am too scared to be violent. I could never physically attack a person simply because I am afraid of them hitting me back. Fear makes me a pretty peaceful person. So I went there, walked, showed my face, shouted my opinion, all within the law. I was exercising my right to protest. I was exercising my duty to protest against nazis. We all were. Suddenly, someone yelled "Run!" and when I turned around I saw a group of heavily armoured cops running towards us and they did not look like they'd stop. So I turned back around and ran away, didn't get far because I am clumsy, instead I tripped and fell down... and did not get up again on my own. Just accepted my fate and that I would propably die here trampled to death by the police for literally doing nothing wrong. Instead, my friends picked me up and I did not die, only got a few bruises and abrasions.
So overall, I have never been the perpetrator, never actually got in trouble with the police, and I still do not feel like I could trust them at all. Serve and protect is a lie to me. And I am lucky. I am privileged.
Now yesterday I saw the video of 18-years-old Bethany Nava getting pulled off the train by a police officer and eventually getting arrested. It all started with her having her feet up on the seat in the train. Not really that big of a deal. Now of course that got people discussing wether or not the cop overreacted. A lot of people believe that she should just have put her feet down and everything would have been alright. Here starts the thing: In the video, we can't see wether or not she didn't do that, naturally because people do not start filming when there is merely a conversation. Nava herself says she put her feet down immediately and in her story, it doesn't really sound like even getting her off the train was reasonable. However, even if I was to play devils advocate and not believe her story and assume that she did in fact not do what the cop asked her to do, arresting her including getting her handcuffed is too much in my opinion and getting her off the train would have been perfectly enough as a consequence. That Selena Lechuga, who came to Navas aid, was arrested too, is completely off the table in means of being ok. That's the last thing I will discuss.
The thing is, I am kind of okay with people discussing wether or not it was reasonable to arrest them. What I am not okay with is that the argument used most is something along the line of "he's a cop, he has every right to arrest her, it's the law". I hate that so many people just let cops do whatever they want because they have a badge. I hate that so many people just accept laws as they are. I hate that neither cops nor laws are questioned very often.
Cops are people. After all, they are humans like all of us, only that they wear uniforms, badges, batons, tasers and guns. Since they are humans, they can make mistakes. They are not infallible. It's important to keep that in mind. More importantly though, since they are human, they are not incapable of abusing their authority and position of power. And since they do have that authority and position of power, and because they carry weapons, they should be held up to higher standards than civilists, because their mistakes, their wrongs can end a lot worse more often than the ones civilists make. And when a cop makes a mistake, that is even more important, they should be held accountable for them. That's the biggest problem here.
Now after sharing that video, I had a (very peaceful, factual) discussion with a facebook friend of mine about it. They believe that, since Nava filed a claim against that cop, there will be justice according to what the law is regarding this case - if he did something wrong, he will be held accountable, if not, he won't. The thing is, laws are made and executed by people too. People, humans, who are, again, not incapable of doing wrong. Of misjudging a situation. Or, even worse, are not incapable of abusing their authority and position of power to make and execute laws as they please. Laws are not infallible too.
There are two things I want to use specifically to emphasize my point:
1. Homosexuality was forbidden by law in Germany until 1994. That's the year I was born. That is not at all long ago. That is not ancient history. Someone made that law because they thought homosexuality was bad. No one changed that law until 1994 because they didn't think it was important. People could have been persecuted for homosexuality in Germany until 1994. They were not, because while it was still the law no one executed it. Because they questioned it and found it was stupid. However, it wasn't important enough until 23 years ago to scrap it - and if there were homophobic cops and judges, people still could have been persecuted for being gay. Would people still say it would be ok because it was the law and therefore it must be right?
2. In the age of smart phones (including cameras), it is very easy to film incidences. This is what happened here, and there is alot of proof in that video that may help to tell wether or not this officer was in the right or wrong and, if the later, get him held accountable. But we all remember Eric Garner. You know, Eric Garner, who got killed by cops? Who was arrested for the mere speculation that he might illegaly sell cigarettes? Who actually was the good guy in this situation because he stepped in and ended a fight? Who was killed because the cops arresting him for nothing used an illegal chokehold? That incident was on camera too. Someone died, someone else filmed it, we have all the proof we need and the law is on Eric Garners side. The cop who killed him walked free. Instead, you know who got persecuted? The guy who filmed it. The guy who delivered the proof that didn't do shit. When cops aren't held accountable for killing someone with an illegal chokehold, why should one trust that they will be held accountable for doing less?
We have no reason to blindly trust police officers. We have no reason to blindly trust laws. Instead, we have a duty to always question them to prevent what stands at the end of the row - a police state, a dictatorship even. Sounds dramatic, but this is what we are risking if we keep doing this. Question your authorities, kids. Who if not us?