Stay healthy

So this is life now.

All the fires that have been burning inside me just weeks ago, no, days only, have gone out. Silence around me and inside me. More calmness than I had in years. Peace, not to be confused with happiness. It's remarkable how quick and easy it was to accept this new normalcy.

We write history, stay home, it was never that easy to (hopefully) save the world. Okay, maybe we leave some behind, maybe once again we can see the arbitrariness that was given to the executive just like that, too easy to say now that they know what they‘re doing, oh they know what they‘re doing, alright, the signature on the free ticket hasn‘t even dried yet. A bit of control over the situation for the small price of a few lives, a few homeless here, a few refugees there, what's the world cost, I'll take two.

Only a few lives for the safety of the rest, the dregs are rejects, and just above that float the really important ones – applause! Standing ovations for the relevant! Appreciation for your daily bread, which you might not actually be able to buy because the shelves are empty when you, oh relevant one, finally get to do your shopping too, but that's no problem because you sure have our APPRECIATION, be proud of yourself! Because we‘ll only be in writing, we admire you, enduring the stress and let yourself be treated like shit by those who you are keeping alive, keeping everything running, it is so easy to forget who treats you like shit as long as we just clap loud enough. Maybe play the ode to joy in the evenings. Ignoring that your job has been hard for ages, not rarely unbearable. NOW you are important, congratulations, here is your participation trophy, and then we can hopefully forget soon why you were important and be important again ourselves.

The realization that we are not actually important when things get rough tastes bittersweet. Never has our work seemed less meaningful, never has it felt so empty to just keep going on but at least it gives us a bit of purpose, a bit of security while the world around us breaks apart. We don‘t have anything else, after all, we can‘t drown our depressions in booze and meaningless sex, not even a hug between friends to let us forget our pain for a moment. When things get rough it‘s clear who stays alone with their thoughts. How many will the virus kill, how many the economy, how many the solitude? What will we tell our grandchildren if we survived all of this? What will we say in a couple of decades?

So this is life now. We write this story. Let‘s hope that it's going to be a good one. One that we can tell without being ashamed. Be kind to each other. We have nothing else left.

Stay healthy.

"My heart and other black holes" by Jasmine Warga - Review

Aysel is 16, depressive and plans to kill herself. Some may think that this is the typical melodramatic behaviour of a teenager. But Aysels problems are pretty atypical: She is the daughter of a convicted murderer, and no one in Langston, a small town in Kentucky, fails to remind her of that, not even her family who she feels left out of, and she herself. She fears that she might have inherited the „gene for evil“, for the rage and aggression of her father, and one thing is clear – waiting and seeing what happens? Not an option.

But Aysel is also scared that she might not follow through, that she might back down in the last second. A partner is needed, and she finds that partner online at „Smooth Passages“.

This partners name is Roman, respectively FrozenRobot, is 17 and lives in the nearby town Willis, even though „living“, in his case, means „existing“. Roman has to live with a whole different problem: He didn't watch his younger sister carefully enough and she drowned. He feels responsible for that. He, too, fears he might not actually do it, and thus he advertises at Smooth Passages and is found by Aysel.

Except for the shared wish for death, Aysel and Roman are quite different. While Aysel is more of a weirdo with her interest in classical music and science plus her Turkish heritage which is pretty uncommon in conserative Kentucky, Roman is popular, athletic, normal and somewhat fitting in. What they share is April 7^th, the day they chose to jump off a cliff into Ohio River together. But can you plan a suicide with someone you don't even know? Even if you just want to die instead of live together?

„My heart and other black holes“ is Jasmine Wargas well-made first novel. You don't wish upon her that she got inspired by her own life, yet, she started writing after a good friend of her died in 2013. Thematically, this young adult book is incredibly important. In a world where the rates of teenagers in therapy rise steadily it is a great approach to offer a reflection in the character of Aysel that touches the reader, may it be the reader that is affected themself or the happiest person in the world. And we follow this reflection, we understand Aysels emotions, her grief, her fear, her suspicion, and we witness her developement, see a possible progress of an illness that is hidden and ignored so easily. Still, „My heart and other black holes“ isn't meant to scare people. It's meant to help feeling understood, and this intention is met with bravour.

I'd recommend „My heart and other black holes“ to fans of John Greens „The fault in our stars“, to readers who like to sympathise, and of course to everyone who wants to feel understood in their sorrows just once.